Congress Passes Horrific GREEN Act Just Because They Like The Acronym

WASHINGTON, DC – The House of Representatives has passed by a narrow margin the Global Reengineering of Everything Everywhere Now (“GREEN”) Act largely due to the Democratic majority’s fondness for the bill’s eco-appealing acronym and despite pronounced public contempt for the content of the Act.

The GREEN Act, which passed 214-213 and garnered no Republican support, outlaws the exhalation of carbon dioxide by Christians, Southerners and people who have watched Fox News in the last 18 months. It also declares the extinction of Israel, awards Barack Obama a Super Bowl MVP trophy and replaces all CEOs of Fortune 500 companies with endangered Tidewater Goby fish.